we both knew her words were in vain

obscurit_ies @ 2009-11-30T00:05:00

2009-11-30T08:05:43Z

i want to become vegetarian again. it's only been a few months but it seems like it will be the hardest thing for me to get back into for whatever reason. i want to frequent the gym more, maybe take some boxing class so i can learn to kick some hoodrat ass, but more so to help control all my stress and anger i so frequently accumulate. i want to take a dance class and learn to play the drums during winter break. i want to paint and draw more. i want to be nicer to my family and spend more time with them. i want to smoke more and drink less (not that i really even drink). i want to study sign language again, and while i am at it learn an additional language. i want to study and practice more with pro tools, and feel confident using the software and ace my exam. i want to cook more, and have potlucks to show off my hopefully soon to be spectacular cooking skills. i want to work more on putting others before myself, to shit talk less, and not sweat the small stuff as much. i want to fucking train my asshole dog to finally not piss in the house. i want drink more water and cut out coca-cola. i want a clear organized room at all times, because a clean room will give me a clear mind... right? i want to do better at school, and even take extra classes for the hell of it. i want to go to tonga, samoa, and fiji in 2011.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-10-27T22:39:00

2009-10-28T05:46:35Z

i am feeling weird. one minute i feel so incredibly confident about life, and the next i am one indecisive mess. i really don't know what i want anymore, which isn't necessarily a bad thing just a really scary thing. i don't know a damn thing. i'm losing friends, adding some. i'm doing shitty in some classes, and kicking ass in others. such trivial things i guess, but i just want some constancy. i feel like my grammar is really beginning to suck. i wish i was still in an english class, because i feel so stupid without it.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-10-14T00:07:00

2009-10-14T07:11:28Z

DAMN

I really feel on top of the world right now, well, minus school and shit. I've missed way too much and I have no idea what I'm even learning in school. Oh well I will make it, I always do. But back to what I was saying... I've had some really good days, and I'm really stoked with how things have turned out lately. I think all the more recent sad times in my life have taught me not to dwell so much as I usually have. Funny what simple advice can do for you if you actually try to apply it to your life. Well, I shall just leave it at that. Goodnight!

obscurit_ies @ 2009-10-08T09:50:00

2009-10-08T16:54:21Z

I am slowly losing my beer belly, YAY! Now to get a Jlo ass.... err I guess she's irrelevant these days... I mean a Kim K. booty. You know, swallow up that g-string.

I got another job and it may very well be the death of me, but I'm also considering just quitting Turf once and for all. I might give it till the end of the month and then leave.

Um, nothing else new to report. Good day!

obscurit_ies @ 2009-10-05T14:08:00

2009-10-05T21:17:20Z

I feel stronger than I ever have before; mentally, emotionally... mm yeah, probably not physically. It's amazing how clear headed I feel as a result. Everything these days excites me, as I am willing to take on every challenge that comes my way. I've been surprising myself a lot, and I am sure I am surprising others by the steps I have taken and the things I have accomplished. I've been in the best mood and I just hope it lasts for a while.

I am again presented with the idea of studying abroad. I overwhelm myself with this option every few months I feel like, and every time I manage to convince myself why it's not a good idea. Why do I do this? I don't know maybe this time I will feel like it's more suited for me as I review everything again for the billionth time.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-09-27T18:21:00

2009-09-28T01:32:12Z

I thought I had my need to spend money under control, but lately especially after having quit my jobs, all I want to do is spend, spend, spend. It's pretty scary and pathetic, but I am a shopping fiend. I thought those days were behind me, but they are coming back to haunt my life. I've become obsessed with clothes again and looking nice. It's so annoying, but so enjoyable at the same time.

I'm grateful that I'll be back to working soon, but that doesn't mean I can so quickly ignore my "problem." I have a lot to think about, as I am paying for more things like gas, parking, food, prescriptions (shout out to Blue Cross: I fucking hate you), and although it's not a lot it definitely adds up. And then I keep thinking about moving out; my dream of moving out with Chris, Brian, and Erin, which seemed impractical and far fetched from the start but sounds absolutely wonderful and something I am very much in need of... a new start. Maybe I am overly stressing? Or maybe I should be more worried??? I don't know.

I think what I need to do is just find a sugar daddy - I'll put out a craigslist ad. Sounds good.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-09-27T01:58:00

2009-09-27T09:04:49Z

I feel like I'm at this point in my life where there's all these new changes. And as much as I claim that I hate getting another year older, I've never felt more comfortable in my skin as I do now. Something about getting older makes me feel so much more confident, and so much more alive. Also, it makes me feel more inclined to take more risks, be more ballsy, and even more adventurous. I don't want to be vanilla!

Where the hell did this come from?

obscurit_ies @ 2009-09-13T21:10:00

2009-09-14T04:10:35Z

: )

obscurit_ies @ 2009-09-07T23:19:00

2009-09-08T06:31:16Z

Have things gotten easier or harder? I'm not sure. I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy, it's just that things feel strange. Perhaps these feelings are me realizing and trying to get my shit together. To be fucking happy. I feel like I have had to cut or rather "ghost" a lot of shit out of my life, and maybe I didn't see how it was for the best, due to how hard and at times how much it hurt, but now I guess I am more understanding of its payoff.

We shotgunned Redbulls and had dance parties to Pitbull.

2009-08-21T06:28:00Z

I woke up feeling like utter shit this morning. Maybe it had to do with the fact I had to wake up at 5am... maybe it was because of all the people I had to, but didn't really want to encounter the day before. Either way, I'm glad I had to go to work today; the people I work with are truly amazing and there's never a dull moment. I can certainly see some really strong friendships out of these people. The highlights of today was kicking it with The Adicts... and Pete Dee seeking me out, making me sit with him, and telling me a story about the time he called a cop a "cunt stretcher". Or going through every tour bus till we found that shitty ass band All Time Low, just so one of my coworkers could settle some beef she had with the singer. That was hilarious! I don't care that I'm name dropping, shit was fun. Yes, so as much as I loathe the drive or the bart ride to work, I absolutely love my job once I'm in the full swing of things.

Coming to work is so fricken awesome.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-08-19T22:59:00

2009-08-20T05:59:39Z

Things are just really funny right now.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-07-04T14:24:00

2009-07-04T21:25:29Z

by the end of this month i will make over $2000.
so, fuck the haters!

obscurit_ies @ 2009-05-26T13:09:00

2009-05-26T20:09:37Z

GROW HAIR, GROOOWWWW!!

obscurit_ies @ 2009-05-18T22:24:00

2009-05-19T05:26:00Z

i don't think i will ever fully understand the idea of lovers becoming strangers.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-05-17T17:20:00

2009-05-18T00:20:43Z

Cool.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-05-17T10:52:00

2009-05-17T17:59:45Z

This is going to be an expensive week; I'm buying a new laptop bag, a new ipod (mine has been dead for 6+ months, but luckily i get a discount on a new one), comedy show ticket, and a haircut. I'm really hoping I get that job at Live105, because that would definitely help me live a little more comfortably. Plus, I'd be able to quit my job at Turf. I love those guys, but I'm sick of coming in every Saturday to find booze and shot glasses everywhere and the place a total mess. Last time I checked I worked at boutique - not a bar. And yet I've been putting up with this shit for almost three years.

I think with this new job life will be a lot better, and it will force me to have a social life again. The only drawback is that I'll be driving a huge van around, playing soccer mom/slave/bitch to other "team members" and basically be on-call. That will be hard since I'm in the peninsula and my job will be in SF and all over the bay area. Whatever though, I'd rather not worry too much about the details. I think I'll manage just fine.

I think this is going to be a great summer.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-05-14T23:14:00

2009-05-15T06:20:32Z

I'm on this acne medicine that has caused me to start breaking out really bad. And I currently have the biggest, juicest, pussiest zit under my lip. It's got a hard scab center from previously popping it too. It is the most foulest thing on earth. It's almost like having one of those god awful labret piercings... actually, I'm not sure which one is worse.

things that currently make me happy:

2009-04-28T03:48:35Z

•finding legit veggie/vegan recipes
•being a slave to ontd
•rescue me and 30 rock
•lusting over betsey johnson jewelery
•vampire related shit
•rice milk protein shakes in the morning
•growing out my hair
•renting sappy love movies
•crying like a baby over said movies
•becoming a dress fiend
•jojoba oil
•jogging and getting into shape (kind of)
•top 40 music
•finding the perfect shade of red lipstick (and being too chicken to wear it anywhere but in my room)
•buckley going to the bathroom OUTSIDE
•being all independent n shit (!!)
•shexy lingerie sets
•a new wardrobe of vintage clothes previously sewn and worn by grandma when she was my age (mm, musky)

obscurit_ies @ 2009-04-27T01:33:00

2009-04-27T08:34:05Z

What's Eating Gilbert Grape is probably one of the best movies I've seen in a long time.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-04-20T15:44:00

2009-04-20T22:46:49Z

this weather was just the medicine i needed to kick this annoying feeling of overwhelming sadness. i'm really over feeling sorry for myself, it's stupid, but it happens.

dirty hair, minimal clothing, barefoot... i'm really enjoying drinking up the sun! this summer i fully intend to savor every moment and actually enjoy the weather for once.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-04-14T21:54:00

2009-04-15T04:55:06Z

I can't help but feel like something is missing.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-04-03T13:56:00

2009-04-03T20:58:17Z

I'm stuck in a rut. This has been a shitty semester, only proving to me that I may have picked the wrong major. What the fuck am I doing... with my life?

I need to do some ~serious~ soul searching.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-03-17T21:38:00

2009-03-18T04:42:42Z

soy chorizo/eggs/whole wheat tortilla
green tea + honey

chocolate rice milk

jasmine milk tea and tapioca ballz
(tapioca xpress)

bread sticks
salad
eggplant parmigiano
white and dark chocolate mousse
wine
peach blended mimosa
(olive garden)

today was such a yummy day. i love my mom.

obscurit_ies @ 2009-03-16T14:49:00

2009-03-16T21:56:17Z

i'm really over all of the superficial friendships i have. so i'm pretty okay with cutting a lot of people out of my life right now. all these years, and i've realized it's just not worth making an effort and not receiving any reciprocation; it's just a lot of fake, shady friendships. i'm content on just hanging out with the same girls from middle school and high school that i've been hanging with forever. i'm over all the guys and the division of the other girl group. stupid.

i'm not going to call you and i'm not going to answer your calls. peace out!

obscurit_ies @ 2009-03-08T04:39:00

2009-03-08T11:39:59Z

Old habits die hard... but hopefully not for long?

PS. nose piercings on doods are my one true weakness. My goodness! Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight. Drunk love!