we both knew her words were in vain

i want to become vegetarian again. it's only been a few months but it seems like it will be the hardest thing for me to get back into for whatever reason. i want to frequent the gym more, maybe take some boxing class so i can learn to kick some hoodrat ass, but more so to help control all my stress and anger i so frequently accumulate. i want to take a dance class and learn to play the drums during winter break. i want to paint and draw more. i want to be nicer to my family and spend more time with them. i want to smoke more and drink less (not that i really even drink). i want to study sign language again, and while i am at it learn an additional language. i want to study and practice more with pro tools, and feel confident using the software and ace my exam. i want to cook more, and have potlucks to show off my hopefully soon to be spectacular cooking skills. i want to work more on putting others before myself, to shit talk less, and not sweat the small stuff as much. i want to fucking train my asshole dog to finally not piss in the house. i want drink more water and cut out coca-cola. i want a clear organized room at all times, because a clean room will give me a clear mind... right? i want to do better at school, and even take extra classes for the hell of it. i want to go to tonga, samoa, and fiji in 2011.

i am feeling weird. one minute i feel so incredibly confident about life, and the next i am one indecisive mess. i really don't know what i want anymore, which isn't necessarily a bad thing just a really scary thing. i don't know a damn thing. i'm losing friends, adding some. i'm doing shitty in some classes, and kicking ass in others. such trivial things i guess, but i just want some constancy. i feel like my grammar is really beginning to suck. i wish i was still in an english class, because i feel so stupid without it.

DAMN

I really feel on top of the world right now, well, minus school and shit. I've missed way too much and I have no idea what I'm even learning in school. Oh well I will make it, I always do. But back to what I was saying... I've had some really good days, and I'm really stoked with how things have turned out lately. I think all the more recent sad times in my life have taught me not to dwell so much as I usually have. Funny what simple advice can do for you if you actually try to apply it to your life. Well, I shall just leave it at that. Goodnight!

I am slowly losing my beer belly, YAY! Now to get a Jlo ass.... err I guess she's irrelevant these days... I mean a Kim K. booty. You know, swallow up that g-string.

I got another job and it may very well be the death of me, but I'm also considering just quitting Turf once and for all. I might give it till the end of the month and then leave.

Um, nothing else new to report. Good day!

I feel stronger than I ever have before; mentally, emotionally... mm yeah, probably not physically. It's amazing how clear headed I feel as a result. Everything these days excites me, as I am willing to take on every challenge that comes my way. I've been surprising myself a lot, and I am sure I am surprising others by the steps I have taken and the things I have accomplished. I've been in the best mood and I just hope it lasts for a while.

I am again presented with the idea of studying abroad. I overwhelm myself with this option every few months I feel like, and every time I manage to convince myself why it's not a good idea. Why do I do this? I don't know maybe this time I will feel like it's more suited for me as I review everything again for the billionth time.